


Voldemort's Pizza

by ThePinkJellyfish



Series: Short Cracky Stuff [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Gen, Horcruxes, Pizza, Tom Riddle is an Idiot, pizza shop au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 08:27:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28578960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThePinkJellyfish/pseuds/ThePinkJellyfish
Summary: Harry was so tired after moving in, he just wanted to get some food... So it's very frustrating when the pizza shop he chooses to go to is kind of,,, odd.
Series: Short Cracky Stuff [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2093958
Comments: 6
Kudos: 12
Collections: NW14_Collection





	Voldemort's Pizza

**Author's Note:**

  * For [duplicity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/duplicity/gifts), [Silverfox579](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silverfox579/gifts).



> Um this is based on an idea that Silver came up with in Duplicity's Distractions server! Hope you enjoy it 
> 
> (Also, Harry Potter isn't mine, obviously )

Harry set down the last box. He brought his left forearm to wipe the sweat off his brow and sighed. He hoped he hadn’t forgotten anything. He really didn’t have any money to spare for rebuying something that he had forgotten at his old place. 

He flopped onto an armchair and stared at the massive pile of boxes sitting on the floor. He didn’t really want to think about how much energy it would take to unpack everything, he just wanted to eat. As if his stomach was controlled by his thoughts, it rumbled. He would have to find some place to eat, there was no way he was going to be able to cook dinner in his new apartment when he still had so much to unpack. 

Harry recalled that he had passed a pizza place on his way. It wasn’t too far, he would probably be able to walk there within 10 minutes. He had a quick shower and changed into clothes that weren’t drenched in sweat, then made his way to the pizza place. The man looked around at all the different buildings that he would be getting used to sooner or later. 

The pizza place was darker than restaurants usually were, the outside painted black. The name wasn’t very original. There was already Domino’s Pizza and Milano’s Pizza, and then there was this restaurant, Voldemort’s Pizza. Well, better to not judge a restaurant by its cover, right?

The inside was rather dimly lit, but Harry didn’t mind. If the lights had been brighter, the weapons mounted on the walls probably would have glinted and looked even more menacing. Harry almost turned and walked right back out that door, but his curiosity was piqued. What kind of person would decorate their pizza shop with weapons?

Harry went up to the counter and tapped the bell. He waited, and waited, and waited. It felt like he had been waiting for forever, but it was really only about five minutes. He was again about to leave when he finally heard some footsteps and was greeted by a handsome man with dark brown hair. 

“How can I help you today?” The man said. Harry shook himself a little, remembering that he hadn’t even looked at the menu yet. He should have done that while he had been waiting. Oh well. 

His eyes widened as he stared at the menu. Strawberry and anchovy, ham and blueberry, pepperoni and raspberry… What strange combinations. 

“Can I get a pepperoni pizza, please?” 

The man’s left eyebrow twitched. “Of course. It’ll be about twenty minutes.”

Harry nodded and headed back out of the odd restaurant to check out some of the other shops nearby. He ended up in a used bookstore, searching for any titles that he recognized and wanted. There were a few, but there was always something that bothered him about the copies. One had highlighter throughout the whole thing, another had some pages tucked inside because they had fallen out. Disappointed, Harry left to get his pizza. He hoped that this town had better bookstores.

Harry accepted his pizza, paid, and made his way back to his apartment. It was weird, thinking of that apartment as his. He hoped he’d get used to it soon. Harry set the pizza box on the counter and lifted the lid. It was blue. His pizza was blue. Harry felt like banging his head against the wall for forgetting to check that the man had gotten his order right. 

He didn’t really want to eat a blueberry and pepperoni pizza, but he kind of had to now. He didn’t want to waste part of his tight budget on getting another meal. One thing was for sure though, he was never going back to Voldemort’s Pizza. He reached in and grabbed a piece, before realizing that the pizza was not sliced into an even number of pieces, it was sliced into seven. _Seven _. Well, it probably wasn’t the weirdest thing compared to the blueberry toppings or weapons used as decorations.__

____

__

Harry brought the piece to his mouth and bit down before jerking away quickly. It felt as if he had just bitten a fork, it was that hard. Harry sighed in frustration. Well, there was no way he wasn’t going to go back and complain now. He picked up the box, squared his shoulders, and sped back to Voldemort’s Pizza. 

“The pizza you gave me is inedible.” Harry declared to the brown-haired man when he entered the otherwise empty shop. Harry set the box on the counter and watched as surprise, then confusion washed over the man’s face, his jaw clenching, then unclenching. 

“I’ll get you a new one immediately.”

* * *

Tom could feel sweat running down his back. He couldn’t believe he had made such a devastating mistake. He had thought he had hidden his horcruxes well by putting them all into pizza slices and hiding them in a pizza shop, but now he couldn’t help but kick himself for being so stupid.


End file.
